


A Waiting Game

by TheManorOnTheHill



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Tokyo Ghoul, Angst, Cannibalism, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Suicidal Thoughts, ghoul Lance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-02-11 02:55:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12925815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheManorOnTheHill/pseuds/TheManorOnTheHill
Summary: Lance curled in on himself where he sat in Blue’s cockpit, refusing to look at the last of his rations where they sat in the opposite corner. Hunger was agony, but when his teammates did come looking for him, he had to at least have something in his stomach, he had to save at least some of this. He couldn’t… he couldn’t lose control around them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just some quick info before I get started:
> 
> This story assumes you know about the Tokyo Ghoul universe. For those with little to no information on that, I would check it out. It’s an amazing story. 
> 
> For those of you who don’t know much about it and don’t feel inclined to look it up, here’s a bit from Tokyo Ghoul’s Wikipedia page to get you at least a little caught up on what exactly a ghoul is:  
> “Tokyo Ghoul is set in an alternate reality where ghouls, individuals who can only survive by eating human flesh, live among the normal humans in secret, hiding their true nature to evade pursuit from the authorities. Including enhanced speed, senses, and regenerative ability, a regular ghoul is several times stronger than a normal human, has a skin resistant to ordinary piercing weapons and has at least one special predatory organ called a "Kagune", which it can manifest and use as a weapon during combat. Another distinctive trait of ghouls is that when they are excited or hungry, the color of their sclera in both eyes turns black and their irises red.”
> 
> Also, I wanna clarify that in this story, Lance actually can eat the food goo, which came as a surprise to him too. This stuff is supposed to be nutritional for most species, right? So I figured that while it probably doesn’t perfectly suit the needs of a ghoul, it would probably at least be edible. 
> 
> Without further ado, let’s get this thing started, shall we?
> 
> -Smerinthus Cerisyi

How long had it been?

Lance supposed anywhere from five days to a week in Earth time.

In any case, his rations were getting dangerously low, and he was nowhere close to figuring out how to get Blue back up and running. He would have worried she was offline for good, had it not been for her steadily thrumming presence in the back of his mind. It had helped him stay sane so far, with no one to talk to and supplies running low. There was no telling how long that would last.

It had been unexpected, to say the least, when Lance found himself separated from the rest of his team and from the comforts of the Castle of Lions. Voltron’s offensive attack against the Galra that day had been successful, and no one had thought to look back as they flew back towards the wormhole. No one saw the Druid fire shocks of pure white energy until it was too late; as they’d entered the wormhole behind the Castle, they were suddenly powerless in their Lions, careening in every direction until they were met with the edges of the tunnel, each shoved out into what Lance assumed were random bits of space between the start and end of their intended journey. For some reason, whatever the Druid had done was keeping Blue from waking up, and while Lance had hoped for the first few hours that she’d come back up on her own, it was becoming increasingly clear that wouldn’t happen.

Lance had been fortunate enough – if he could call it that – to land on a planet his suit told him was hospitable to human life. At least if he was stuck somewhere alone, it was on a tropical planet with pink skies and a strange green ocean, geometric electric blue plants surrounding the place Blue had landed in the forest. That’s where his luck ended, though.

With Blue offline, he was sure it would be difficult for his teammates to find him. He’d fiddled with Blue’s communications systems as much as he dared, but nothing would give, so he just had to hope the tracker in his suit could reach them, eventually. He wasn’t sure if it was meant for such great distances.

The more pressing matter on his mind hit him full force in the form of another gut-wrenching hunger pang. Lance curled in on himself where he sat in Blue’s cockpit, refusing to look at the last of his rations where they sat in the opposite corner. Hunger was agony, but when his teammates did come looking for him, he had to at least have something in his stomach, he had to save at least some of this. He couldn’t… he couldn’t lose control around them.

Within a few hours, his final resolve snapped, and in a fit of desperation Lance reached out for the rest of the food goo bars Hunk had made and devoured them like a ravenous beast. He supposed in a way he was.

He cried for hours afterwards at what he’d done, how quickly he’d caved, and how little it had done to stave his hunger. If only he’d been able to find something more… substantial out in the void of space. But no matter how many swap moons they’d visited, no matter how many strange alien cuisines he’d tried, they’d all tasted just as disgusting as the food back on Earth, all made him just as sluggish and sick. The food goo aboard the Castle was still the only substitute for what he really needed, but it was useless if he didn’t eat enough of it to make a normal person sick. Which left him in his current dilemma.

 _Maybe it would be best if I died before they found me. Maybe…_ The sudden morbid thought entered Lance’s head undeterred by his insistence that it leave him be. _Maybe I could end it myself._

The thought simultaneously sickened and relieved him. His kagune slipped out from its place on his lower back, the long blue tendril snaking around to poise over his heart. Maybe that was the way out of this. Maybe he could just take care of it now, pose no threat later when his team came to collect Blue. He’d take care not to destroy his Paladin suit, leave Blue in the best condition he could. The team would move on. The team –

Images of Pidge crying, Hunk despondent to anyone’s pleas to him to just talk to someone about it, Keith pouring all of his time into his training until someday he got himself seriously hurt, Allura blaming herself, leaving Coran with no one to talk to about how things used to be on Altea, Shiro who had already lost so much _–_

No. His kagune slipped back into his back. Lance wasn’t delusional. He knew how much he meant to the team, regardless of what his self-esteem told him sometimes. If he killed himself here, they’d be devastated. And not only were they his friends; they also had an obligation to the universe. They wouldn’t make any progress in this war if they had to find a new blue paladin and mourn the old one. So that option was out.

He couldn’t just sit here and do nothing, then. It was clear the rations would have been pointless to keep him sane if it took much longer than a few hours for help to arrive. Maybe something on this planet would be edible. It would at least be worth a look. That in mind, Lance took a deep breath and put his helmet back on, making his way out through Blue’s escape hatch into the unknown.

 

* * *

 Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Lance had scanned every _freakin’_ plant within a mile radius of Blue, hell, even some dirt he saw that looked a bit more luminescent than the rest. None of it had come up as edible for even humans. Lance stomped back into Blue, ready to go through with his first plan after all – anything but hurt his teammates, _anything –_ when he heard the faintest of crackling static and a faraway voice from Blue’s comms. He practically flew into the pilot’s chair, ready to talk to whomever it was trying to get to him. It could be a Galra at this point and Lance was sure he’d find a way to smooth talk his way into being allowed free.

He was pleasantly surprised it didn’t seem it would come to that. The voice was instantly recognizable in the best of ways. _“Come in, Lance. Come on, come in, please. Please tell me you’re alright.”_

Lance could have sobbed. He may have, a bit, if he was being totally honest. “Shiro! I’m here!”

_“Lance! Thank God. I’ve been trying to reach you for hours. I just got Black to come back online, and her scanners are detecting Blue closeby. I’m caught between three planets the signal seems to be bouncing around, something strange about their magnetic fields. Where are you? Can you tell me?”_

Lance took a moment to scrutinize his surroundings. “Uh… green ocean, looks like there’s a lot of that, the atmosphere is pink. There’s a lot of blue foliage and it’s hot, so probably a planet pretty close to its star. I think it’s early afternoon on my part of the planet. That help?”

Shiro was silent for a moment. _“Hold on, let me check… yep, that’s gotta be Xeskia 27X. I’m comin’ for ya, buddy.”_

“Thank God.” Lance leaned back in the seat, hoping Shiro could get here quickly. Maybe even… “Hey, Shiro? Another thing?”

_“Yeah?”_

“Do you happen to have any rations left?”

Shiro audibly sighed on the other end. _“Yes, a little bit, but Lance, we talked about this at our meeting a few months ago. You need to keep Blue stocked for this kind of situation. You should’ve had enough for weeks.”_

Lance let out a nervous laugh, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “Yeah… sorry… a lot of it… went bad? I must not have checked as often as Coran told us to.” His more honest response of ‘ _I had to eat enough to satisfy the typical slightly-starving grizzly bear’_ was left unsaid.

_“I’ve just entered the atmosphere. The signal’s a little fuzzy from here; it could take me a few hours to find you. You gonna be okay until then?”_

_I hope so._ “Yeah. Just hurry. I’m starving here.”

 

* * *

When Black touched down in front of where Lance waited in Blue, the alien sun was setting in the sky, and Lance realized he’d probably have to resort to keeping his helmet on the entire time, until they could get back to the Castle and Lance could eat all the food goo he needed. With the way his stomach was gnawing at his mind, no way would he be able to handle the smell of human flesh if Shiro got too close. He’d just have to hope Shiro wouldn’t notice Lance going off somewhere alone to eat. He shoved his helmet over his head and let the visor slide shut, waiting for a transmission from Shiro on what to do next. 

Thanks to Blue still being pretty much dead to the world, Lance jumped when Shiro appeared behind him in the cockpit without any sort of detection from his lion. “Lance? You okay?”

“Y-Yeah, never better, you just surprised me is all. S-Say, what are you doing here? In my lion? With me? Did you… did you maybe bring food?”

Shiro quirked an eyebrow at Lance, who was pretty sure his grin did nothing to negate the effect of the sweat rolling heavily down his forehead. Regardless, Shiro passed him a measly third of a bar. Inwardly Lance cringed. _Okay, yeah, technically this is supposed to be an average ration. But no way in hell is it going to be enough._ He really didn’t want to ask for more, but… there was a lot at stake right now.

“You wouldn’t… happen to have, uh… more of t-those, would you?” _God dammit, why can’t you speak normally, Lance? He’s gonna know something’s up._

“Not if we’re going to be able to make them last until we can meet up with the others. Lance…” Shiro shot Lance what could be instantly recognized as his Disappointed Look™. “Just how irresponsible were you with your rations? How long has it been since you’ve eaten?”

Lance chuckled sheepishly. “Um… a few hours?” _Damn it, you should have lied. Now it looks even more suspicious._

“Well in that case, I’m sure you understand that it’s going to be a while before either of us can afford to eat more than one ration. I know it’s not ideal, but these have to last.”

“D-Darn, worth a shot anyways, I guess?” Lance’s stomach chose that moment to churn particularly loudly. _Shit._ “Well I’m just gonna go take a leak, you stay here and I’ll be right back, ‘kay?”

Without giving Shiro a chance to respond, Lance bolted from the cockpit and launched himself out of the hatch, hoping at least this tiny bit of food would take the edge off for a little while, God willing, until the next ration. He managed a cursory glance behind him to make sure Shiro wasn’t following him before he took off his helmet, shoving the bar into his mouth and sighing. It was next to nothing, but maybe it would keep his mind away from thoughts of what he really wanted. Still better wear his helmet around Shiro. As he chewed, he put his helmet back on and decided to relieve himself anyway while he was out here. Little less of a lie that way at least.

If Shiro thought it was odd Lance kept his helmet on, visor down, even inside his own lion, he said nothing. He simply got on with explaining to Lance what he’d done to get Black to come back online. Apparently it had involved a great deal of unplugging and reattaching a lot of the wires in the brain of the lion, something Shiro had been reluctant to do but which Black had insisted to him was necessary after the Druid’s magic had corrupted parts of her system. Shiro hoped, maybe, the problem with Blue could be solved in a similar way. Still, they needed to be careful not to unplug the wrong things. So they got to work.

Lance never knew Blue had so much space and so many mechanisms in her head, always figuring a sentient being like Blue operated less on a basic processing center and more on some sort of magic level. _I mean, yeah, she’s a giant warship, but still. Full-on pathways through her brain linking all of these weird gadgets? Pidge would have a field day with this. Scratch that. She probably already knows about it and_ has _had a field day in Green’s head._ Lance also never knew how many wrong switches there were to pull until now. Without Shiro there supervising, Lance would have worried he’d cause permanent damage to Blue in some way, given his track record. Blue only gave him the slightest of nudges in his head on where to look for the next step. Before he realized how late it must have gotten, his eyes started drooping, and it was only when Shiro pointed out he felt the same that Lance agreed it was time to stop for the night.

Shiro insisted there was no reason for him to go back to Black, and instead curled up in the corner of Blue’s cockpit, leaving Lance to do the same as far away as possible, a bit ticked off that Shiro had to stay so close. Lance couldn’t even take his helmet off to sleep now. Shiro finally asked him as they both settled in why he kept the stupid thing on the whole quintant, and he sputtered for an answer, eventually ending on a measly “My hair’s gotten really dirty after so long and I don’t want anyone to see it.” Shiro seemed suspicious at that, but didn’t press the issue, finally closing his eyes. Lance did the same, and soothed his worry about being in such close quarters with Shiro with the prospect that in the morning, he’d be able to eat another ration. It wouldn’t be a lot, and it would take an inhuman – Lance chuckled to himself – amount of willpower to keep himself in check, but he supposed it should be possible.

 

* * *

When Shiro finally woke up, it felt to Lance like it had been several quintants, though realistically, it was probably only a few vargas, as Shiro was infamous for never getting enough sleep. Regardless, Lance was struggling. He hadn’t slept all night, afraid that if he were to drift off, his subconscious might lead him to do something he’d regret. So, first things first, he’d nonchalantly started the day, trying not to watch Shiro stretch, by asking, “Hey, d’you think we could have those next rations now?”

Shiro gave him an odd look that Lance could feel even though he was very pointedly not looking at Shiro. “Lance, what is it with you and the food goo bars?”

Lance shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m a growing boy, and I need my nutrition.”

“... You haven’t grown at all in the year we’ve been in space.”

Lance rolled his eyes. _Why is he being so difficult?_ “Well, _yeah,_ the gravity’s all different up there, and I’m pretty sure we’re lacking some of the vitamins we need. So while we’re planetside and the gravity’s back to pretty much normal, I’ve gotta make up for it. I don’t want completely stunted growth. Now, can we eat?” Lance finally looked over at Shiro, who held his palms up in a placating gesture.

“Yeah, sure. Gimme a sec and I’ll go get some out of Black. Then we’ll get back to work and see what we can do to get Blue working again, okay?”

Lance nodded. “Thanks, Shiro.”

“Don’t mention it. And while we’re at it, you really should take off that stupid helmet. There’s no reason for you to be wearing it right now.”

Lance hoped, as Shiro walked away, that his pale face and grim expression wasn’t too obvious. _Maybe if I just take it off right after eating, he’ll get off my case… It’s worth a shot._

When Shiro returned with the miniscule portions of their next meal, Lance held his breath as he took off his helmet and shoved the entire thing into his mouth, pulling a snort from Shiro where he sat across from Lance. “Lance, are you okay?”

Lance didn’t trust himself to speak, too busy chewing, and just nodded. Still, when he swallowed the last of the bar, he was careful to take only shallow breaths until he put his helmet back in place. Shiro gave him another one of his Looks™. “Lance, there’s something wrong, isn’t there?”

“Wh… What would make you say that?”

Shiro just gestured his hand at Lance’s helmet. “You’re always complaining on long missions that your helmet is getting stuffy. Why now have you decided wearing it twenty-four seven in your own lion is the best choice?”

“L-Like I said, I have really gross hair…”

“Yeah… I’m calling bull. We’ve all seen you several quintants deep into a mission without a shower before.” Shiro smirked. “And it’s just me. Not even Keith here for you to impress and woo with your amazingly clean hair.”

Lance spluttered. “I- I am not – I’ll have you know that I would never try to woo – and – the audacity!”

“Yeah, sure, Lance. Well, your obvious crush on Keith aside, you’ve gotta know that keeping that helmet on to hide an injury is a stupid move.” Shiro stared into Lance’s soul, clearly expecting some sort of confession. _Too bad he’s not gonna get one._

Lance glared at the floor, arms crossing over his chest in a distinctly _Keith_ way. “Look, Shiro, I promise I’m not injured. But the helmet’s not coming off. So just drop it, would you?”

Shiro’s eyes widened. “O-Okay. I’ll drop it. I just… want you to know that if something’s wrong, you need to tell me, okay?”

Lance nodded absently. “Let’s just get back to work on Blue, okay?”

Shiro smiled softly, looking resigned to the change of subject. “You’re right. Time’s wasting.”

 

* * *

Awkward was the only word Lance could contribute to the next few hours of work, Shiro trying not to shadow Lance too closely and follow whatever directions Lance could relay to him from Blue. Lance could tell Shiro was still worried about him, but maybe he would just attribute the whole thing to Lance’s admittedly large sense of vanity over his hair. God, he was starving. His stomach kept trying to jackhammer its way out of his abdomen, and he was surprised Shiro either hadn’t noticed or hadn’t brought it up yet. He was grateful for it, though. The alternative, that Shiro noticed something larger at play here and backed Lance into a corner, was something Lance didn’t even want to consider. He doubted that conversation would go well, but the images of it wouldn’t leave him alone.

_Shiro would look at him with disgust. Maybe he’d kill him right then and there with that fancy Galra arm. Maybe he’d wait until they got back to the Castle and shoot him out of the airlock. Maybe they’d keep him in captivity for Pidge to run experiments on!_

Lance shook his head. _Not a good train of thought. It’s never going to come to that anyway. I won’t let it._

Blue took the opportunity to pull Lance completely from his thoughts, nudging him to open one of the panels nearby. Shiro lingered behind him, still rebooting the systems Lance had directed him to earlier. Lance followed the feeling Blue sent him, rounding a corner without fuss, happy for the distraction and the distance from temptation. He sent a quick mental _Thank you_ to her for knowing what to do.

He approached the area Blue seemed to be leading him to, only to find dozens of nearly identical panels on the wall. He sighed. “Which one do you want me to open, girl? You gotta be a bit more specific here.”

A purring sound in his mind urged him to look low to the ground. When he did so, he felt himself being pulled to one in particular near the end of the section of the hallway. He pulled the panel off the wall to find a large black space within, filled with multicolored wires. He let out another huff of breath. “You’re really gonna have to be specific here, Blue. I don’t want to accidentally rewire you to act like Red or something.” Laughter sounded in his head from Blue. “Glad you seem to have faith in me, girl. Alrighty, I’m goin’ in.”

He shimmied into the tight space on his back, feeling his eyes adjust. “What first, Blue?”

He followed directions with some difficulty, as Blue seemed to make more distinctions in the color of the intended wire than Lance could see in the dark, even with his superior night vision. More than a few times he found himself reaching for a wire he thought Blue told him to, only to get a warning growl in his mind and retract his hand. _No, Paladin, the other vermillion wire._

Lance was trying his best, but frustration was building at each vague direction from Blue. About ten minutes into this endeavor, Lance didn’t hear his lion’s warnings in time, and plucked a cherry-red wire from its spot. Before Blue could correct him, he heard the click of a lock from above his face and a heavy part of the metal ceiling of the duct dislodged itself. It swung down on its hinges and dropped at incredible speed onto Lance’s helmet, drawing a loud, short shriek from him. Lance felt his head spinning from the impact, and used shaking hands to snap the wire back into its previous position from where he lay, maneuvering his arms to push the panel back up into the ceiling, making sure to secure it. _Thanks for the warning, Blue,_ he thought in frustration at his lion. _You could have told me there were tripwires in here._

As he tried to regain his bearings through the sudden sharp pain in his skull, waiting for his body to heal itself from any damage and/or whiplash, his ears echoed with quickly approaching footsteps. The sound reverberated around him when Shiro’s voice asked, _“Lance? What happened? Are you okay?”_

He didn’t respond verbally, afraid speaking might cause the little food he had in his stomach to make a reappearance with the way his stomach seemed to have crawled into his throat. Instead he felt his mostly limp form being dragged by the legs out of the duct. The mechanical lights of the hallways were suddenly too bright, and Lance squeezed his eyes shut as Shiro slowly pulled him into a sitting position. It occurred to Lance he was saying something to him. He’d better respond.

“ ‘m _fine_ ” was what eventually left his lips in a dazed whisper. He opened his eyes a bit to squint at Shiro, whose face was pale as he shook his head in response.

 _“We’re gonna have to take a look at your head,”_ he was saying from far away. That pulled Lance back to reality.

“Wh-What?? No, I mean it, Shiro, I’m fine. I didn’t even feel it, it just surprised me is all.”

Shiro frowned at him, eyebrows furrowing in frustration. “Lance, I heard the smack from the other room. Your head is bleeding, for God’s sake, and I can see that much even with your helmet on. Just let me take a look at it.” Shiro reached for Lance’s helmet, and Lance jerked his head away.

“Shiro, no. I’m fine. Just leave it alone.” That much was beginning to be true. Lance’s quick healing capabilities had cleared the mist in his head and he barely felt any pain now. _Not like I can tell Shiro that._

Regardless, Shiro reached out for Lance’s helmet again, Lance dodging him every step of the way. “Lance, this is not an option. You’re hurt, and I don’t know what’s up with you and your damn helmet but this is getting ridiculous. Let me _help you._ ”

Lance scooted back towards the wall. “ _Not happening._ I feel completely normal, and my helmet is staying _on._ ”

Shiro actually growled at him. “Lance, you are _not_ okay. Now get over here and let me look after my goddamn teammate!”

Lance didn’t react quickly enough this time, and Shiro yanked the helmet off of Lance’s head, ignoring Lance’s high-pitched “ _Stop_!”

Shiro grabbed Lance’s face forcefully and turned it towards him so he could inspect the damage to Lance’s skull. Lance froze, eyes wide and panicked, trying not to breathe in. _Put my helmet back on Put my helmet back on For the love of all that is holy Put it back on Don’t make me–_ Lance inhaled, and felt himself begin to shake. _His hand is so close to my mouth right now. God, it smells so good. If it weren’t holding me so tight I could lick it, I could taste it. I can jolt away and I can grab that hand and before it can escape I can–_

“Lance?”

The thought faltered for just a split second as Lance registered the concern written on Shiro’s face. _Shiro._ His teammate. His friend. Lance had to get out of there. His control was slipping away more by the second just as he’d prayed it wouldn’t but knew it would.

He scrambled to his feet, swatting Shiro’s hand away, and bolted towards the exit to the rest of his lion. He didn’t stop running until he found himself outside and deep in the electric blue forest, stumbling on a tree root and falling face first into the white soil. He pushed himself back up and scooted back until he was sitting against a wide tree, head buried between his knees as he tried to control his breathing.

He could feel the telltale heat behind his eyes signalling that they had turned to their black and red state against his will. He told them to go away, but found they were beyond listening to him. He was just lucky he could still control his kagune. The tiniest shred of his will remained, and it had saved Shiro. For how long, Lance didn’t know, though. He was so hungry. That tiniest moment in which he’d gotten a clear, unfiltered whiff of his teammate, _so_ _close, right there,_ had proven more than he could handle, no matter how recently he’d eaten that food bar. He’d been starved of real food for way too long out in the void of space.

How was he ever going to be able to go back for his helmet? He wasn’t sure even that would be enough anymore, his instincts riled up possibly too much to care what filters he put over his nose now.

 _Shiro should just leave without me,_ he thought pathetically, knowing there was no chance of that happening, not with the worry Shiro had worn on his face for Lance. _He’s going to come looking for me. Oh God what do I do? I’ve got to control myself. Pull it together, Lance. You can be stronger than your instincts. Just breathe in the fresh air._

A twig snapping pulled him from his impromptu forced relaxation session, and he didn’t dare pull his head from his knees to look at the source, knowing they were still in their inhuman form. His breath caught in his throat. “Shiro, you need to leave. Now.” He forced his voice to be as calm as possible. Shiro had worked up a bit of a sweat struggling to catch up with Lance, and the scent was _not_ doing wonders for Lance’s self-control.

“Lance… I don’t understand,” came said human’s voice. “What is it you’re so worried about? I… I’m sorry I grabbed you like that, really. I could tell it freaked you out, and I didn’t mean for that. I was frustrated, that’s all. Just…” he sighed, and Lance could feel with horror that he was getting closer. “Please let me help you. You’re obviously not well, and you probably have a concussion.”

Lance summoned all the strength he could into his voice. “Shiro. _Leave._ ”

Shiro let out a growl of frustration, still getting unbearably closer. “Lance, what did I _do?_ We can’t work as a team if you won’t even tell me what’s wrong!”

Lance shook with the force of staying still. Tears built up in the corners of his eyes, and he willed Shiro to just _take the hint already._ “Shiro, get the _fuck_ away from me!”

His teammate took one more step, and Lance’s composure cracked in half. More mist clouded over his conscience, but this time it was tinged a sickly red. Before he himself could understand what was happening, he’d lunged at Shiro, who stood only a few feet away, and tackled him to the ground, locking Shiro’s arms firmly in place with the long grasp of his kagune.

_The look in the human’s eyes was one of confusion and fright. Lance saw its mouth moving, sounds coming out. What was it trying to say? Lance thought it might be important, but he had other things to worry about right now. Namely, the ever-growing void in his stomach which for some reason he’d taken so long to fill. No matter. There was more than enough right here. And this prey didn’t even seem to be fighting back much yet, still yapping some nonsense at him and barely pulling at his kagune. Perfect._

_Lance leaned heavily over the body beneath him. He pulled its head to the side, glad its usual helmet was absent, and took a moment to press his nose against its neck. The sweet aroma that flooded his head was almost enough to make him cry. He let out a whimper and nuzzled against it for a moment longer._

_Now the human was really starting to struggle, and its yammering was getting louder. Lance sighed. Well, it couldn’t be avoided forever. He’d better make this quick, since he wasn’t exactly in his peak condition. Taking a deep breath, he sank his teeth down at the juncture between its neck and shoulder. He groaned happily as the taste flooded his mouth, noting that the creature had begun squirming and producing some awful high-pitched noise._

_How annoying. He really needed to get this over with quickly._

_He pulled back, taking with him the torn flesh in his mouth, but just as he began to swallow it, hoping to get it down swiftly and move on to the next bite, an intense burning sensation made its way up through his kagune, and he hissed, retracting it from the source, his prey’s strange, inorganic arm. What the hell had it done? As soon as he let go of his grip on it, it shoved Lance off and sent him sprawling across the forest floor in an unusual exhibit of strength for a human. Lance was angry now, turning to face the human again, only to be pinned against the forest floor by its surprisingly strong arms. Lance struggled and growled, but the human just shook Lance by the shoulders, slamming his head back against the ground. Lance gasped. How dare it – wait, how dare he – no, wait, that was wrong – was it? Something was nagging Lance in the back of his mind, but he couldn’t figure out what…_

Oh.

_Oh._

Just like that, reality came crashing in, and Lance surveyed the situation around him. Shiro was still shaking him, screaming for him to wake up, and when Lance looked into his eyes he saw something he hoped he’d never elicit from his leader: pure, unadulterated terror.

 _“Sh-Shiro…”_ he croaked, and Shiro’s eyes opened even wider. He stopped shaking Lance, and the small trembling in his arms became more noticeable instead.

Shiro abruptly jerked his hands back, his flesh-and-bone arm cradling the broken flesh he’d obtained – that _Lance had bitten off of him –_ on his right shoulder. He backed away from Lance just as quickly, his breathing way too rapid and his eyes flickering to analyze his attacker, predict his next move.

Lance could only look on in shock and horror, until he felt the blood dripping down his chin. He reached up to touch it and the gravity of the situation hit him full-force. _Holy shit, I just tried to kill Shiro. I just tried to_ _eat Shiro._ His voice barely came out as a whisper. “Shiro… I…” His voice caught in his throat and a sob wrenched its way through. He couldn’t bear to look up at him, his eyes settling down on his lap. “I-I’m _so sorry–_ ”

He cut himself off when he heard the unmistakable sound of frantic footsteps, this time receding. Sure enough, when he looked up, Shiro was stalking away as quick as his legs would carry him, left hand pressed against his injured shoulder, back towards the Lions.

In his shock, it suddenly hit Lance that his kagune had still not retracted; neither had his strange eyes. He willed them away absently, and noted with disgust that even with the little bit of flesh he’d eaten, the changes came naturally now. He had something in his stomach.

 

* * *

Lance had no clue how long he’d been lying there in the dirt, staring at nothing. It wasn’t like it mattered now. Shiro had seen him for what he truly was, and surely as soon as he could get Blue functioning he’d leave Lance here to die.

Lance had to wonder why he hadn’t just gotten into Black and left anyway. Hell, Black could just reach down and take her fellow lion into the grasp of her massive claws, regardless of how damaged Blue was. They couldn’t get very far that way, but Lance was sure that any place away from him would seem more appealing to Shiro than staying planetside with a monster.

Lance hoped Shiro had been able to administer first aid to his shoulder with the supplies from either Black or Blue. He’d never forgive himself for permanently injuring Shiro. Not that he’d forgive himself anyway.

He drifted off into a fitful sleep, not seeing any point in staying awake. At some point, in the midst of the unnamed terrors running rampant through his dreams, he was pulled back into consciousness by the smell of a human, of _Shiro_ , getting stronger once again.

His eyes flickered open, and he could see that Xeskia 27X’s star had retreated to the other side of the planet. With no moon to reflect light onto the dark landscape, it was difficult to see, even with Lance’s enhanced vision. He quietly pulled himself to a sitting position, squinting around at the darkness. At least his nose wasn’t hindered by the lack of light; Shiro was definitely getting closer.

_Probably coming to kill me or something of the like. Excellent._

In the next few seconds of his morbid observations, Lance realized that there was a difference between wishing for Shiro to kill him and actually waiting for him to show up and do it. Lance’s heart hammered against his chest and his ears strained for any hint of movement nearby. Still nothing. But the scent was getting stronger.

The hand that suddenly clamped around his neck had Lance letting out a short scream before he was being hauled to his feet and shoved back against a tree, a glowing Galra hand held inches from his face. The light it cast illuminated Shiro’s face before him in terrifying color. Lance’s first instinct was to struggle against the chokehold, whimpering, but that ceased in a moment when he reminded himself that he deserved this; he’d waited for this. He allowed his hands to drop from where they’d been scratching against Shiro’s flesh hand around his throat, and he couldn’t bring himself to look his leader – his _hero –_ in the eye. This was it. He was going to die. He was going to get what had been coming to him since the moment he was first born. Lance braced himself and screwed his eyes shut.

But Shiro was hesitating. Nor was the grip around his throat tight enough to actually kill him. It took Lance a moment to realize it, but then, he supposed it made sense. Shiro was not a killer. Even when dealing with an actual ghoul, one who’d attacked him, no less, he wasn’t that kind of person. That’s what made him so much better than Lance. _Better give him some encouragement, then._ “It’s okay… just go ahead and do it,” Lance managed to croak. He reached a hand out tentatively to touch Shiro’s where it rested, giving it a light squeeze. He still couldn’t bear to open his eyes, but a few tears leaked out anyways.

Yet Shiro still did not move. And now it was starting to irritate Lance. His eyes finally snapped open and he glared through glistening eyes at the man in front of him. There was no hiding the tracks of tears streaming down his face now. God, he was a wreck. Whatever deity who watched over him his whole life must really hate him; not even his last moments could be composed. “Just do it already! Just…” Lance choked on a sob. “Just kill me already. I’m not gonna resist. Just… get it over with. I won’t blame you.”

Lance registered the look of shock on Shiro’s face. He looked frozen, caught in his own head too much to move a muscle. _Great._ Now Lance had made him feel even worse. He sighed. “Look… if you really can’t bring yourself to, just… I’ll do it myself. I’ll… I’ll make it easier on you.” He squirmed a bit, getting into a position where he could more easily extract his kagune. “Here. I’ll just –”

“No.”

Lance’s eyebrows shot up. “...What?”

“I said _no._ ” Shiro looked… angry? No, that wasn’t the right word. Lance scrutinized his face and realized that Shiro was crying just the same. _Heartbroken._ Maybe that was it. But why would he – oh God, his hand was quivering now too from where it gripped Lance’s throat. Shiro’s voice cracked. “You can’t… you can’t just _say_ things like that, Lance. T-That’s not – I would never _–”_ Abruptly Shiro shoved himself away from Lance, and his Galra arm flickered out into darkness. Lance blinked a few times to clear the black from his vision, finding it a bit easier this time. Shiro stood before him, human hand held over his eyes, other arm wrapped around his chest like he was embracing himself. Lance looked on in awe. Never had Shiro looked so… small.

What was Shiro trying to say? Trying to do? None of it was adding up anymore. His voice was almost as quiet as the freezing night air around them. “What do you mean? Isn’t this… why are you here if you weren’t going to…”

Shiro dropped his hand to his side and looked Lance dead in the eye. “I… I had to know. I had to know if you would attack again. I-I didn’t want to have to… but I had to know if it really was a mistake, earlier. I needed to know if – if I could reason with you.”

Lance could’ve sworn he was already dead. No way would this conversation be happening otherwise. It sounded like Shiro… was trying to understand him. No. What? He started to back away slowly. “Shi – Shiro, what? What are you saying? But you – you know what I am, right? You – do you really understand that? Why… why aren’t you trying to kill me?”

“Well why is it you seem to _want_ me to kill you?” Shiro hissed the words at him.

“Because I deserve it! ” Lance yelled. At the kicked-puppy expression on Shiro’s face, Lance only frowned further. “What? You’re gonna pretend I don’t? I’m a ghoul, Shiro! I fucking hurt you! I’ve killed before! And it’s only a matter of time before it happens again! Why can’t you understand that?”

Lance was taken aback when there were suddenly arms around him, tentative as they were, trapping him against his teammate’s chest. Lance could only stay perfectly still as Shiro spoke quietly. “I… won’t lie. I would have tried to… do that. If you hadn’t stopped. If you hadn’t backed away from me the second you realized what was happening. But… you did. And… you warned me to get away, before. I didn’t listen. I can’t say I fully understand why I came back now, but… you really did try. And I owe it to you to realize that.”

Lance wasn’t quite sure when his hands had lifted themselves to wrap around Shiro likewise, but the next thing he knew he was sobbing, snot running out of his nose, fingers clenched against Shiro’s back like he never wanted to let go. On some level he realized he must look like a complete mess, but the majority of his mind couldn’t bring itself to care. Shiro _knew_ about him. He _knew_ that Lance was a ghoul, a kind of despicable being hunted relentlessly on earth. This was the one thing Lance’s mother had warned him about above all else: never could anyone find out just who and what Lance was. But here he was, having violated that, and… Shiro hadn’t killed him? He was holding him instead. The sheer dichotomy between what Lance had expected and what now faced him was tearing his mind to shreds.

Shiro was saying something to him. Telling him it was all okay, shushing him, and Lance realized he’d said quite a bit of that out loud. Eventually, Lance managed to pull his face away from Shiro’s breastplate, looking up to meet his eyes.

“What… What are you going to do with me?”

Shiro sighed, still not letting go of Lance completely. He held on to Lance’s hand with his own as they parted. “Well, I do need you to answer some questions--”

Lance was nodding intently. “Absolutely. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know--”

“-- the first of which is very important. I need you to be completely honest with me. Are you -- uh. How should I put this? Am I… safe?” Shiro was looking everywhere but at Lance, clearly ashamed he hadn’t thought of a more polite way to ask.

Lance winced. “Ah. Yeah. That. Uh… I think so. For a few quintants at least. It… doesn’t take a whole lot to sustain me.”

Shiro nodded slowly, processing. “Okay. That’s… good, I think.” He hesitated. “The rest of my questions can wait until later. We need to get Blue back online, okay? I think we’re close.”

Lance’s lips pulled up at the edges. “Roger that, Captain.”

 

* * *

They remained mostly silent while they finished the work on Blue, the only words exchanged between them the occasional directions relayed through Lance from Blue to Shiro. Awkward would still have been an accurate descriptor, but this time at least, most of the tension had left Lance’s shoulders.

Now that he was thinking more clearly, it was recognizable to him that Blue actually did sound louder in his head, more secure and conscious. Lance could have cried when Shiro reset the final system and the whirring of engines filled their ears. They breathed out a collective sigh of relief and Shiro gestured Lance back to the cockpit. He followed without complaint.

A quick check of the systems showed that his beloved lion was truly back. Lance whooped and hollered, and Shiro beamed behind him.

Blue managed to contact the Castle, something that surprised Lance, since Black had been unable to do the same for the past several quintants. Princess Allura’s voice echoed through the cockpit. _“Lance? Are you there?”_

He smirked and could physically feel how Shiro’s eyes narrowed at him, just waiting for an inappropriate response. “Oh my dear Allura, you have no idea how wonderful it is to hear your voice!”

Allura ignored Lance’s flirtatious tone. _“Thank heavens, you really are there! We were starting to worry we’d never find you!”_

Lance scoffed. “I’ll have you know it would take more than a corrupted lion to stop me from finding you, Princess. Oh, and Shiro’s here too.”

Shiro leaned in over Lance’s shoulder. “Hello Princess.”

_“Oh, that is wonderful news. You two are the last we hadn’t found yet. How are your lions? And are either of you injured?”_

The two didn’t answer for a moment. Lance refused to make eye contact.

Ultimately, it was Shiro who answered. “We’re… both okay, more or less. No major injuries.” Lance quirked an eyebrow at the blatant omission of Shiro’s mauled shoulder. He just continued. “Blue seems to be in perfect working order, and Black is up minus her tracking abilities. That system is still a bit imprecise.”

_“Alright. That’s good to know. Now, I’m picking up Blue’s location as being several star systems away from the Castle’s present location. Are you both on the planet Xeskia 27X?”_

“Yes we are, love.” Shiro rolled his eyes at Lance, who just shrugged at him in return.

_“Good. What I’m going to need you to do in order to get to us as quickly as possible is to head to the coordinates I’m sending to Blue. They should lead you to the midway point between us to cut a few quintants out of the journey. Is that within your lions’ abilities right now?”_

Lance took a look at the sheer distance he’d have to travel before meeting back up and sighed. Definitely not ideal, but now that Shiro knew the truth, he’d probably share more of his rations. “Can do, Princess.”

_“Excellent. Do let me know if either of you have trouble with your lions. Otherwise, I’ll release you to your own devices.”_

“See you soon, Princess.”

_“Good luck.”_

 

* * *

“Next question. How is it you’ve been in space this long, and haven’t, er, starved, or something?”

Shiro’s face over the comms looked curiously into Lance as he followed the Blue Paladin in his own lion.

Lance smiled a bit at the question. “You’ll probably like the answer to this one, actually. When we got into space… I knew it was going to be a problem. I honestly thought about using an escape pod to get to Earth when I realized we wouldn’t be getting home in the next month. But then, when we all ate the food goo that first night, I tried it as I’m always obligated to do and realized it... wasn’t actually disgusting?” Lance chuckled at the incredulous look Shiro was giving him. “Yeah, yeah, I know you guys complain about it all day and all night, and technically I do too. But compared to how nasty human food normally tastes, that stuff is tame. So I couldn’t stop eating it, if just for the novelty of it… Then I realized it actually sustained me.”

Lance broke off into a grateful smile, sighing wistfully. “Shiro, you have no idea how good it felt. My entire life, all I’ve been able to eat without being sick is… well, you know. But this? It was totally different, and it doesn’t harm anyone to eat it. I knew right then that even if it was kinda gross comparatively, there was no way I was ever leaving the Castle. I’ll gladly eat food goo for the rest of my life if it means I don’t have to live like other ghouls.”

Shiro nodded pensively. “Yeah. I can’t even imagine.” The man fell silent and Lance could see words on the tip of his tongue. He stared him down.

“Shiro, whatever it is you want to ask, you know you can, right? I’m not gonna be offended.”

“Er… you might be.”

“Try me.”

“What does it taste like?”

Lance blinked. _What does it… oh._ He chuckled, color flooding his cheeks in mortification. “Uhh.... do you mean human food, or…?”

“...” Shiro looked just as embarrassed.

“Yeah, you’re right, that one _is_ a bit on the offensive side.”

“S-Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

Lance shook his head. “Nah, it’s okay, I said you could. Just… it’s kind of hard to answer that one. It’s not like there’s much I can compare it to.”

“Yeah. I get it.”

“N-No, not really, you don’t.” Lance was digging through his brain for some kind of comparison Shiro could relate to. “How do I even tell you what it’s like? Um… it’s… good? B-But not in a way I can explain. You grow up eating only one thing, about once a month, and it doesn’t exactly make for a sophisticated palate, you feel?”

“Mm hmm.”

“All I really get out of it is that kind of, I don’t know, instinctual satisfaction that you get when you’ve got food in your stomach. My tongue tells me it tastes good, but I don’t actually know what that means. But human food, on the other hand, Jesus. It’s like, if everyone around you kept telling you, ‘Hey, you should really try this new food I made, it tastes great!’ And all they kept giving you, every time, was some cooked sewage on a stick.”

Shiro made a gagging noise over the comms.

“Yeah. No kidding.”

“But you said you were always obligated to eat it? Why?”

Lance shot Shiro a look. “Haven’t picked up on that yet?”

“No… not really. Why would you keep eating something that makes you sick?”

Lance sighed. “Think of it this way. You’re out in public for so many hours a day, right?” Shiro nodded. “So if people start to notice that you _never eat_ around them, they’ll start speculating. And when people start speculating, it doesn’t take long for the right rumors to surface. And rumors are what keeps the CCG running. From what I hear, about fifty years ago my great-uncle got caught because he refused to eat, even in front of his closest friends. So the rest of us had to change our names and leave the country. Even if you don’t care about yourself getting caught, you eat human food in front of humans, or everyone related to you could be at risk too.”

Shiro paled. “I… I hadn’t ever thought of it like that. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s not like you ever had a reason to think about it.”

“Still. All the media ever talks about is the human perspective on things. I never thought to see it from another view.”

Lance’s expression darkened, though not at Shiro. “Yeah. I could count on zero hands the number of times I’ve heard someone say ghouls might actually be sentient. ”

“Lance?”

“Hmm?”

“I do care about you. Even if you’re a ghoul.”

Lance frowned at the screen. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I don’t think anyone ever has.”

“...Thank you.”

 

* * *

Keith practically barrelled into Shiro the moment he and Lance stepped out of their lions, and Shiro could see Hunk and Pidge had given Lance effectively the same treatment.

“I’m so glad you’re back,” Keith pestered him. “When Allura said she wasn’t picking up any signal from Black, we all got really worried. We were all there when she made contact with you guys, and I may or may not have passed out from relief.”

Shiro snorted at his brother-figure. “You would, wouldn’t you?”

Keith’s face twisted into a frown. “Shiro, are you hurt?”

His face drained of color. Right. He’d run out of clean bandages for his shoulder after he’d last changed them. “Oh, uh, no, not really, I just--”

“We need to get you into a healing pod right away. What the hell _is_ that? A bite or something? Allura didn’t say anything about animals on the planet you guys were on.”

Shiro laughed nervously, making eye contact with the silent Lance, who watched with bated breath as the other paladins fussed over Shiro. “Y-Yeah, well, those scans had to have been old, then. There were these… er, weird cat-like things? They were really big, and before I realized they were there, one of them got to me.”

Keith’s brows rose. “Jeez. That’s rough. Well, come on. Let’s get you healed before any infection can set in.”

There was no way Shiro could have missed the grateful twinkle in Lance’s eye as Keith dragged him out of the hangar. He chanced a small smile to show Lance that he had his back.

They were a team, after all, and Shiro would be damned before he let something like this ruin Lance’s chances of finally being happy.

 


	2. Another Update

Hello, readers.

I... really regret to do this, but I don't really think I have an option here. I can't tell you all how many rewrites this story has undergone as more seasons have come out and canon changed, and as my life has gotten busier those updates to A Waiting Game have become fewer and farther between. 

After Season 7 came out, I tried really hard to stay positive, but... I can't do that anymore. I need to be honest with how I feel, and I feel as if the show is headed in a direction I don't support or enjoy. I've dropped out of the fandom somewhat, and while I still really enjoy the characters, the fandom and the writing of the show itself have pushed me away from this fic.

I want to let you all know that while I may get back to this at some point, for the moment I've lost all motivation to keep it going. It was originally meant to be a one-shot, so I guess I did achieve a complete story that way, but I understand the frustration some of you might have at my not continuing this. 

Is this the end of this story? I hope not. Am I still a fan of Voltron? Yep. This is just... indefinite hiatus. I needed to let you all know that. 

 

Sincerely,  
Smerinthus

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave comments about all that good stuff, what you liked, what you didn't, any questions you might have! Comments give me strength and also I love responding.


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